END.

ive migrated. i forgot to say.
this is the end of this blog.
i have moved to greener pastures.

sa tuwina

bakit kapag wala ka, parang wala nang kabuluhan ang buhay ko.

sa tuwing naiisip ko na wala ka sa tabi ko, sa tuwing naiisip ko na ang layo mo pala sa akin, sumasakit ang dibdib ko, mahirap pala magmahal kapag ung minamahal mo ang layo. pero sa tuwing nararamdaman ko ang hirap iniisip ko kung kaya ko ba na mawala ka saakin at ang parating sigaw ng puso ko ay hindi. alam ko na marami pang hirap na darating sa atin pero kung andian ka alam ko na kaya ko iyon kayang kaya ko ang lahat basta andian ka na nagsasabi sakin ng "babe kaya mo yan, problema lang yan, wag ka mastress" sa tuwing naririnig ko yan nawawala ang bigat sa dibdib ko, feeling ko na kaya ko na malampasan ang mga problema na binibigay sakin ng buhay.

andian na naman ang problema, im thinking about life, the future, at kung ano ba ang  kahahantungan ko, malabo ang hinaharap, pero sa bawat desisyon na ginagawa ko parati kitang nilalagay dun, haha masyado ba ako nagiisip ng mahaba? kung minsan natatakot ako kasi hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan tayo magtatagal. sa puso ko ayaw kitang iwan, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na hanggat gusto mo ako hindi ako aalis sa piling mo, mahal na mahal kita kahit pa ang layo mo. pero ako, sa buhay ko ano nga bang mangyayari sa akin? hanggang ngayon wala pa akong patutunguhan, ang alam ko, hanggat andito ako sa kinaroroonan ko walang mangyayari, i feel life is in a stagnant phase as long as im here where im at. gusto ko umalis, magpakalayo pero kung san man ako pumunta gusto ko eh lumapit ako kung saan man ikaw. para kahit papaano mabawasan ang layo natin sa isat isa, but the fear of being somewhere i dont know is scary. will i be able to make it? or will i come running back home with a defeated look in my face? masyado maraming possibilities. but the world is so big, theres gotta be a room for me right? im scraed pero alam ko na kailangan meron akong gawin..kung anu man un hindi ko alam. basta ang tange kong alam eh kung saan man ako mapadpad hanngat andian ka sa tabi ko cheering me on loving me like how you do right now, kaya ko, at kakayanin ko.

waiting in vain

waiting sux.specially if you dont know when that person would be coming back or replying.impatience seems to be creeping fast.you wonder if that person is thinking of you too or not.you wait for hours and hours and you may or may not even get anything back.

when you text someone multiple times and dont even bother replying, what does that mean? maybe that person is too busy to reply? maybe that person "forgot" to? or maybe that person just dont give a damn. does it mean that the person who dont reply automatically falls in the "idc about you" status to you? these are the things that come to mind. you wonder if the person  thinks of you the same way.you wonder if that person meant every word they said before. doubt comes to mind. if the person makes you wait all the time like this, does it mean that that person dont really care?

well i give the benefit of the doubt, maybe that person IS BUSY or maybe something DID came up or maybe that person DID forget. but arent those just excuses? tif you really wanted to reply or answer back, wouldnt you do anything, there ARE other ways to reply back you know. but again..i give the benefit of the doubt.



so my question is:
how long must you wait, till you must not wait anymore?
how long can you endure?
when will you say enough is enough?
if this person keeps making you wait and wait, and you wait and wait,what does that signify?

rant rant

your sitting there in your chair while i am on the otherside thinking am i contented just being where i am.i am sitting back here looking at you while you do your work (youre making a cd as i type actually)

and thne i realize that it has come to the point where i dont JUST wana be on the other side of the monitor.

i wanna be where u are, to be able to actually BE THERE when ur doin something watching you with my own two eyes. it has to the point where i cant stand being this far anymore. it has come to the point where i wish i wasnt where i am. watching you there, intently  finishing your stuff while i watch you, i secretly wish and hope that the distance will soon shorten. i ask myself why am i so far away but i know theres a reason for it , like what you said, this is just a test for us.a test to determine if we are really meant for each other. ok i know, i ot the message, did we not pass  it yet? itll be our 2nd month being together soon, and yet and still my feelings remain the same, in fact it has grown deeper. dont you think we passed the test? whats next?

life is such a bitch sometimes, but it always have a deeper meaning. i just have to look deep down the trouble to realize the oppurtunity. the distance is just a test our love will not falter. ill continue to try my hardes. ill continue to be perfect imperfect boyfriend to you. and maybe sometimes ill make mitakes, but i know youll understand. i wont be someone that will give up, not this time. i wont be half assed, ill do whatever it takes to ake sure that you and i remain happy. i love you baby. now and till whenever.ill love you till you stop loving me..or maybe even beyond.

(ur chewing your earphones ryt now, oh how cute nd you look mighty fine with tha  blue shirt  LOl)

so i say to life, i dont care whatever hardships you put me through ill pass it, im sure ill be the one to win and laugh in the end. just wait till you see my smile of triumph.

fear & apology

last night the crazy jiyeo went out. the same crazy jiyeo i dont want for u to see. the crazy jiyeo that got paranoid, emotional and vulnerable and weak. the fear took over me, i succumb to the worries. maybe it was because of the lack of food or the pill i was taking but yea i got overboard i overthought and i let my fears and worry take the best of me, i got paranoid im sorry,  it wasnt all my fault tho, you broke that promise and instead u doubled up the amount or maybe even tripled it. im not gonna say im all better again, that trust i gave u u broke it but i undestand tho, and its not like youre  a drunk that drinks alcohol all the time, i know youre not perfect, so am i. you make mistakes and so do i. ill get over this ill try my best to trust you once again.  the truth is, once i heard your voice crying begging me not to leave you, i already forgave you and come to think of it you didnt do anything wrong, you just got caught up in that moment with your friends, but drinking wont solve anything, you know that. at least you learned your lesson. you had fun right? thats good. =). ill hold on to the words you so blatantly told me, ill believe it.im sorry for everything.i love you.

disappointment

you broke a promise. u said you wouldnt forget about me but u did.
im disappointed, angry, frustrated.
what happened? idk what to think. idk what to do.
my heart hurts like a mofo.
i miss you like crazy.
im scared and im worried.
you broke my trust.
you left me crying.
i feel weak and vulnerable.

you have no idea whats going on through my head right now
im just holding on to those words that you always say to me.
maybe im just exaggerating this, i honestly dont know.
im thinking of the worst but still hoping for the best.
im gonna remain postive (or atleast try) i know i tend to overthink things.
but i am very worried.
i want honesty from you just like how ive been, just tell me everything, ill understand.
tell me if you still want me, tell me if you dont.
tell me if you forgot tell me anything.
ill believe it , ill understand, ill accept it.
dont worry i wont get hurt, you wont hurt me
just tell me everything you can, honesty is what i want from you.


truth be told, im scared to know the answers, im scared really scared.
ayaw mo na sa akin ano? may nakita ka ba dun sa party?
but i have to know coz i dont wanna live in a lie. id rather know the truth than be caught up with fantasy.

sunday blues

we barely talked today.
i didnt wanna say how much i missed you, how i was waiting
i didnt wanna be all over your business
i didnt want to seem always clinging to you
i wanted ot appear strong
i kept telling myself i can do good on my own too
but you know what? i guess im cant.
all the while i was looking for you
i kept staring at my phone, waiting.
but you were too busy i suppose.
im glad you had fun tho, you needed that.


i wondered if some day it will be like this,
you and i both busy and dont get to talk as much.
if that happens then im already dreading that day.
sundays always bring me sadness i wonder why?
tomorrow will be the same, i just know it.
i guess ill just have to deal with it, i have to get used to not having you always around.
i have to stand on my own feet too right?  cant always depend on you for everything.


i feel pathetic and stupid writing this here.